My dad was telling me about these girls at his old college who invented a nail polish that paints on clear, and if you stir your drink with your finger with the nail polish on, it will react with the “Date Rape” drug and turn…
"Your mom is gaaay!"
Some kids are arguing on my street, one has lesbian moms. I fucking can’t breathe.
enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn’t get uncomfortable after 5 minutes
I want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but I’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza.
when people casually mention something you’re completely obsessed with and it takes every fuckin ounce of your self control not to propel yourself into the stars and scream for the rest of eternity about how much you love the thing
Don’t tell me you “understand” why I’m vegan. If you understood you’d be vegan, too.
Understanding doesn’t equal agreement. I understand why Walter White started to cook meth, doesn’t mean I’m gonna buy an RV and a barrel of methylamine.
Some guy just whistled at me while driving by and my dad goes “don’t worry, that was for me”